Weddings are fun aren’t they? Well…. Most of them are. I was at a wedding recently and the majority of people were sat around, not laughing, not dancing, not really talking much and quite frankly barely moving. I looked around and thought… “This is a wedding for f**ks sake! A time for love, joy and celebration!” Most of the guests looked like they had practically been forced there at gun point for crying out loud! It was the most subdued party I had seen in a long time. I desperately wanted to dance (I bloody love dancing!) but there was hardly anyone on the dance floor and the seating area had the atmosphere of a graveyard. The part of me that felt self-conscious and depended on others for confidence was seething that there weren’t more people enjoying themselves so I could get up and dance! But then, one of my favourite songs started playing and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I HAD TO DANCE! Guess what? Once I started getting into the groove my self-consciousness started to melt away and I soon didn’t care what those frigid people thought of me. I was enjoying life on that dance floor!
This got me thinking about how much we potentially miss out on because of our insecurity and worry surrounding what other people will think of us. We often change ourselves, dial ourselves down and play it small because of other people. But it’s OUR life not theirs right?! When you think about it, we are literally missing out on enjoying our own lives because of what somebody else may or may not think of us. We are giving other people power over our lives! Due to the fact that deep down I am a free spirit who doesn’t like being told what to do, this bothered me greatly.
The root of wanting the approval of others comes from our wanting to belong to our tribe. Waaaaaay back in caveman times when we depended on our tribes for survival, being cast out or disowned from the tribe meant DANGER. We would have to fend for ourselves out in the wild and risk starving or being eaten by a hungry tiger. Things have changed somewhat since then of course but our basic biological instinct is still with us. This is why our subconscious mind wants us to ‘fit in’ and be approved of by others.
Now, that’s not to say we are stuck with our dreaded people pleasing tendencies though! We can gradually become less concerned by what other people think of us and start doing the things WE want to.
Some helpful questions to get started are:
- Why does someone else’s opinion mean so much to me? I.e. what does it do for me?
- What am I missing out on because I’m worried about being judged by others?
- If I did these things, how could they positively impact my life?
- How would my life look if I keep myself where I am? How do I feel about this?
It’s important to answer these questions with brutal honesty otherwise we won’t truly overcome the things holding us back. Being honest with ourselves can we a challenge in itself because it requires us to come to some form of acceptance about who we are and what we REALLY want.
I feel I have waffled on for long enough now so I shall leave you with this…. The fact is, if people want to judge you or talk trash about you, they’ll find something. Even if it’s bitching about how good your life is! They aren’t experiencing your life, YOU ARE and you deserve for it to be an enjoyable one <3.
Until next time, have a lovely week gorgeous ones!
